Wednesday, September 30, 2009

When Will I Be the Guest of Honour?

We would like to thank everyone who have been regularly visiting the blog and sharing comments on the site, in Facebook, in emails or through conversation. We have enjoyed sharing our thoughts and experiences and are amazed that what started as a forum for  the single gal has also captured response from married women and even single/married men! Perhaps a window into the "women are from Venus" phenomenon, but it has amazed and humbled us that the blog has already captured such wide appeal.

So, you may wonder why we have created the blog. Against popular opinion, its intention is not to create a divide between the marrieds and the singles. It has never been our intention to ostracize any individual, but rather to have a forum for single women to share, identify and feel as one.

Society has created a system where couples are celebrated. It is evident socially as well as economically as the modern Western lifestyle typically requires two breadwinners. This is especially apparent in Vancouver where the cost of living and the price of real estate is largely unattainable for the single person. Socially, there is a certain expectation that for a woman to be complete, she has to have a man by her side and this is the primary consideration when judging a woman's success in the world. The glass ceiling is still looming and women need to balance career, marriage, motherhood and community involvement to be considered a complete and successful individual.

The celebration of the monogamous relationship is everywhere. From our adolescence, magazines teach us how to attract the opposite sex and this evolves through the thousands of wedding and parenting magazines, websites and reality television shows. Its presence is omnipotent. Reality TV has shown us the oddities of living plus 8 or 18 and counting -- relatively mundane followings of families. Any shows about singles are either stereotyped and overdramatized or are about "finding the one". Just think about the women vying for the bachelor -- the pinnacle of life's achievements. There are no reality shows that follow the single woman around. I'm not talking about dating shows, I am talking about shows that capture her career pursuits, her daily routines, HER mundane tasks. Even Sex and the City, while among the closest approximation to the variety in a single's life, still had an ultimate goal. Carrie got Big, Miranda and Steve found happiness and Charlotte was finally able to conceive. Even Samantha is rumoured to marry in the sequel. A show that was supposed to be the "human voice" for thousands, if not millions of single women, still had the fairytale ending.

So, what is left for the single girl? Societal norms support the union of two individuals and pop culture reinforces and provides resources for couples. There is no where to turn for the single woman who just wants to relate and identify with others who find themselves in the same situation. Hence the purpose for the blog. Please understand that the comments are not to attack any individual, but just to have a locale to share common concerns and celebrate a status that is never the guest of honour at the party.

Please let us have this one medium.
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Thirty and *gasp* single

It started about five years ago. Everyone – and we mean EVERYONE – got married. Being in a university sorority meant we knew a lot of women – some as close friends, some as acquaintances and some simply as recurring names in the endless stream of gossip that permeated our lives as part of the so-called “Greek system.” Back then we were like all the other girls – crushing, flirting, dating, crying, begging, breaking up, getting back together, falling in and out of love and, from time to time, daring to dream of our future weddings. What would the dress look like? How many bridesmaids would we have? And – most importantly – who would the groom be? We were all travelling the same path at that time; all puzzling over the complexities and emotions of “being in a relationship;” all wondering (and worrying) – when would that wonderful, white day, with its “I dos” and promises of everlasting love and happiness, come?

And then we came to that big, fat intersection. You know the one. You can either take a right, hit cruise-control and coast down scenic Wedding Way, where the sun shines and the birds sing and all the floral arrangements match the place settings or hang a left, shift into four-wheel drive and do your darndest to navigate Lonely Lane, a rocky, winding, unpredictable route fraught with potholes, landmines and seats at the singles’ table (it’s the one at the back of the room, in case you didn't know). Read more.