Wednesday, September 2, 2009

A single act of bravery

There’s something I’ve been putting off doing … for about three years now. Ever since Facebook became a quasi-necessity I’ve chosen (quite consciously) to leave my Relationship Status blank. Conspicuously so. I’ve finally realized this decision has never been about my indifference to what 750 or so fellow facebook-ers think about my singledom; nor has it been about my feelings regarding personal privacy. These would have been noble reasons to keep my status N/A.

Sadly, it’s always only been about one thing: my pride.

Is it just me or are there other people who feel the same way about choosing to set their Relationship Status to “Single” – that for some reason (again, I love to blame it on society, but I will do so only in brackets this time, as an aside of sorts) letting people on FB know you’re minus- rather than plus-one is shameful? Am I reading too much into this, or are my feelings legit?

Since this is my blog post I guess I’ll assume my thoughts are founded. Somehow, without anyone having to say anything about it, proclaiming your single status on this particular social networking site (I don't know what it's like on others; I have a feeling the teens on MySpace display their status as single with more ease and acceptance) is considered to be a source of shame. On the other hand, getting the chance to let everyone (who cares or doesn’t) know you’ve just started a new relationship or – miracle of miracles! – tied the knot is like winning the Nobel Prize: a matter of pride, an accomplishment, an amazing achievement, something that must shared with the world.

Most singles on FB, I find, choose to leave their status blank. But attend a wedding and you can be sure the next day two more statuses will have instantly changed to “Married.” When you break up with someone changing your Relationship Status is rarely the first thing you do or think of doing; get a rock from your boyfriend and you can’t fire the computer up fast enough.

Last night I decided enough was enough. I should be proud of who I am, and that includes wanting to share EVERYTHING that makes me, me. So what if I’m on my own at this point in life? I should celebrate my freedom, my independence, my hard work, my resilience as much as anyone who’s been lucky enough to meet their soul mate. In MYBOOK, it’s as lofty an accomplishment as being proposed to. Maybe even more so. After all, I did it alone - and that's something to be proud of.

NB: The thing I found most surprising about making the switch was how many comments I received after I did the deed and cryptically (or so I thought) proclaimed “Noa is being FB brave” in my main status box. Suddenly other singles came crawling out of the woodwork – and they all knew exactly what I meant by this statement (coupled, I’m sure, with the fact everyone must have read "Noa is now single" in their News Feeds. Interestingly enough, none of my coupled or married FB contacts said anything at all.

An interesting blog post about a similar topic: Deconstructing Facebook.
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Thirty and *gasp* single

It started about five years ago. Everyone – and we mean EVERYONE – got married. Being in a university sorority meant we knew a lot of women – some as close friends, some as acquaintances and some simply as recurring names in the endless stream of gossip that permeated our lives as part of the so-called “Greek system.” Back then we were like all the other girls – crushing, flirting, dating, crying, begging, breaking up, getting back together, falling in and out of love and, from time to time, daring to dream of our future weddings. What would the dress look like? How many bridesmaids would we have? And – most importantly – who would the groom be? We were all travelling the same path at that time; all puzzling over the complexities and emotions of “being in a relationship;” all wondering (and worrying) – when would that wonderful, white day, with its “I dos” and promises of everlasting love and happiness, come?

And then we came to that big, fat intersection. You know the one. You can either take a right, hit cruise-control and coast down scenic Wedding Way, where the sun shines and the birds sing and all the floral arrangements match the place settings or hang a left, shift into four-wheel drive and do your darndest to navigate Lonely Lane, a rocky, winding, unpredictable route fraught with potholes, landmines and seats at the singles’ table (it’s the one at the back of the room, in case you didn't know). Read more.