PUT ON A HAPPY FACEbook

Facebook and various social networking sites have taken the world by storm. We have the voyeuristic opportunity to see what our friends are doing all the time, anytime. We have witnessed party pics, engagements, quiz results, wedding/baby photos, status updates, career changes and lives unfold. In most cases, we are privy to the absolute best version of our friends. They use it as a portal to showcase the wonders of their lives and share what they feel will present themselves in the best light.

For women who are single, however, Facebook can reinforce the already negative feelings they have for their situation. Even women with excellent self-esteem and who enjoy their singledom may still feel the societal pressures of constant relationship, wedding and baby status updates. The summer months are particularly challenging as the warm weather breeds engagements, summer bar-be-ques with the kids and wedding celebrations. While in control of one's own actions, these pictures can be an irresistible temptation and despite knowing that they will feed our insecurities, we find ourselves clicking the mouse button.

For the single woman who decides that she won't let the constant wedding and baby pictures affect her, she is still powerless to the unending status updates. The engagement announcements can be fairly innocuous -- for the most part, she knows that it is going to happen and can still share in her friends' happiness. While feeling a pang of angst, she posts a congratulatory comment and scrolls down to the next status. Here she finds one of the countless new mom posts. "Bobby is teething and couldn't sleep at all last night" or "Kim is so excited that Bobby rolled over and giggled today". While these women are excited about the new addition to their family, they should be sensitive to the fact that sharing play-by-play updates twenty times a day is overkill. Despite annoyance on the part of the single gal, she starts to wonder if this is truly what she should be doing. Is there something wrong with her that she doesn't have a husband and child by the age of thirty? Did she fail somewhere along the way that she isn't partaking in talk of diapers, jolly jumpers and teething rings?

Absolutely not. What the new moms are not sharing are the constant baby feedings at three in the morning or the inability to get their child to stop crying for their afternoon nap. They are also not sharing the concerns they have for their careers and the looming glass ceiling they perceive now that they have children. They are not sharing the fact that they are fretting not being able to shed their baby weight and are not sharing the envy they have for their single friends who can still enjoy evenings out or adventures abroad without worrying about their young ones at home.

I guess it comes down to always wanting what we don't have. The single gal sees the rose-coloured version of motherhood and the new mom longs for her lost freedom. If we all can approach Facebook knowing that it is one dimensional and that we will only ever see our friends putting their best foot forward, we can all feel a little more comfortable in our own skin. The sooner we come to terms with that, the happier we will be.

What is love?

It's taken me almost three decades to realize ... "love" is just a word, a poor attempt to define the only thing real, not just in the world, but in everything, everywhere, always. the way love's portrayed, in books, TV, movies, doesn't come close to the thing itself.

Love is in every one of us, always - it's all we are, ever were and ever will be. No language can define it.

We have this misperception that we need someone else to be in or have love. But it's already in you, and has been all along. It's yours to have if you choose, right now. It's who you are, what you were born to be and do. When you love yourself, when you finally become love, that's the moment love manifests in your life in a more tangible form, so you can actually see, touch, taste, smell, feel it.

But remember, it has always been there, in you, from the start. All we need to do, each and every one of us, is accept and become our ultimate destiny - love. When that day finally comes the world we live in, and maybe even something beyond that, will be like that place we like to call heaven.

I am girl, hear me blog

Lately I've been very reflective of the appropriate sequences in life. You know, grow up, go to school, fall in love, get married and then have kids. In the past month, I've been asked several times about my "relationship status." I simply say that I'm in no rush, because I've been inspired by some pretty amazing women ...

... women who have happened to live their lives a little out of sequence. Let's just say they were blessed with little bundles sooner than anticipated. Suddenly their responsibilities and daily activities changed completely. Priorities shuffled from work and school to bills and bedtime stories. But the biggest adjustment was how their lives were put on hold until their children grew up enough to feed and bathe themselves, at least. What astounds me is how these women grow up faster than anyone should have to.

Us girls have a tendency to "panic." Panic about being in a relationship. This isn't a man-hating post or even a pro-abstinence promotion. This is just me sharing feelings about how girls sometimes take themselves for granted.

Girls, think of your strengths. How many positive things in your life have your strengths brought you? Whether it's sports, writing, acting, whatever ... at some point your unique gifts have gained personal rewards in the form of a medal, good grades or even a simple pat on the back. In our youth developing aptitude can be more rewarding than being in a relationship.

Sometimes girls forget they have strengths and look for recognition from the opposite sex in ways the media portrays as "the only way." I'm talking about dumbing it down, wearing revealing clothing, the works. Personally, I think when girls act this way they cheat themselves out of great opportunites. Like opportunities for personal growth.

A boyfriend is a wonderful and natural thing. It's also a very special and important part of life. But it's nothing to stress over. Ladies, we are busy people, we don't have time to fix the world and flatter guys at the same time. Let them flatter you. Wise and self-confident girls stand out. If they are worth your time, they will be smart to pick out such traits. Think of it this way, you've only got so much time before you've got that magical band of gold on your finger. It won't hurt to spend a few years discovering as much about yourself as you can, before you have to share the next 65 years with that very special someone - and maybe several special little ones, too.

The (not so) hard and fast rules of dating

They're ubiquitous in the dating scene: I only date guys with blue eyes; no bad tattoos; no sex for the first 90 days; I only date men with beards. Rules may help daters weed out the duds, but experts say they can also shutter windows of opportunity. More...

I read this article in the Globe & Mail about a month or more ago and it struck a chord with me. In living by some dating rules, are women really missing out on something special? In the age of online dating, where women receive numerous emails daily, how does one sort through the clutter to find the prize? Do they not have to construct some boundaries or pre-requisites just to manage their time? Items such as the desire to have children and/or career aspirations are easy categories to filter. It allows women the opportunity to focus their time on men who are more likely to be a possible match. Even if that is overgeneralizing, how can a woman possibly sort through all of her messages if she does not have some sort of classification system? So, I'm putting the question out there...should women have steadfast rules of dating? What should they include (or not include)?

Poker face or big blind?

I went on my first date at 16 years of age. That means I have had 14 years -- nearly half my life -- to perfect the art of dating. I would like to think that I have matured during this time. I know how to play the game and while I would rather not, I know it is a must for the beginning of a courtship. Guys know this too and unfortunately most of them have spent their dating life figuring out how to read their cards and call our bluff.

The movie -- "He's Just Not That Into You" -- actually spoke to me. I feel it was one of those rare instances that a true chick flick provided me with a higher purpose and understanding. It is absolutely true -- he is just not that into you if he doesn't call you within a couple of days; he is just not that into you if he isn't willing to forego a night with his buddies to see you and he is just not that into you if you are doing the chasing and no one is chasing you.

There are many women who are looking for a fling. They crave the chase, they love the instant gratification and yearn for the physical contact. In most cases, any semblance of there being a legitimate relationship is non-existent and their interactions are entirely based around sex. I am not condemning the act. In fact, I think at this age we are entitled and justified to do whatever we want in that department without anyone judging us.

What happens though when what was supposed to be a fling sparks some deeper feelings -- at least on the part of the female player? She grows fond of him and hopes that they have enough of a connection for further feelings to grow. She texts to say that she is thinking of him, she drops plans with her friends to be there and all the while, she is losing sight of all the wonderful qualities she has to offer.

The problem, however, is that she is the chaser and not the chasee. She is the one texting him, she was the one suggesting they get together and unfortunately, by advancing their sexual relationship so early on, she was the one who destroyed any possibility for there to be a long term relationship. It is plain and simple. He is just not that into her.

So what makes us women want to invest in a relationship if the guy has not reciprocated any of the feelings or behaviour? Is it the need to have a warm body next to us? Is it fear that there isn't another fish in the sea? Or is it trying to validate our own insecurities by convincing ourselves that he must feel the same way -- he just doesn't show his true feelings?

To women everywhere I just want to say *WAKE UP*! We have played the game, we know the players, we have mastered the rules and we are cognisant of the risks. We have even upped the ante in our thirties as we can't fein the ignorant bliss of a dating virgin. A hook up will not turn into true love, and, no matter how hard we try, we cannot make a guy like us. That being said, we are worth so much more than that. If you are looking for a fling, then go out and get one. It isn't too hard. But if you are looking for romance, for the one who will give you shivers twenty years from now and the one who will call you the very next day, we have to change our outlook and approach. The stakes are high but the jackpot is priceless. It's your choice.

So where will we be getting off together?

As a single girl in society, I always have my eyes out for hot boys. One interesting place that I have found is in the elevators. I recently moved into this very cool downtown apartment and being on the 17th floor, I get to see lots of people come in and out of the elevator. The building that I live in is full of young, good looking people but the boys especially are very cute, so much so that it has prompted me to work on my elevator conversation.

Now elevator conversation is not an easy thing to master, first of all there is not a lot of time to make an impression. Especially since all the really hot boys seem to live on the 5th floor. It can be rather stressful trying to think of something to say in those few seconds to the ground floor.

Secondly, there is not much topic for conversation. It’s not like you are in a coffee shop or standing in line at the grocery store where you can make some offhanded comment about how long the line is or why that man in front is quacking like a duck. The elevator can be quite restrictive and I always find myself standing awkwardly in the corner desperately trying to come up with something witty to say.

Last time I was in there, I just decided to strike up a conversation with a random person. He wasn’t a hot boy so there was no pressure there but he seemed nice enough that I could get some elevator convo practice in. I generally try to avoid chatting about the weather or sports as those are particularly mundane (and cheesy) topics to me. I think I might have asked this guy where he got his pizza from. I figured that with enough practice, when the time came that a hot boy walked into the elevator, I would be so well versed and have a repertoire of conversation to choose from that he couldn’t help but be smitten by me.

Once nice thing about this building is that there are lots of people with dogs which are always an easy topic of conversation. It really is a great icebreaker when you are able to ask the person to please have their dog stop licking my crotch.

I have noticed though that if you carry random items in your hands, you don’t need to say anything at all and people will in fact strike up a conversation with you. The other day I was carrying McDonalds and toilet paper and someone commented on my choice of provisions, to which I replied “Yup Whistler girl’s weekend. McDonalds to get rid of the hangover and toilet paper to get rid of the McDonalds” (Note: Will not be making such inappropriate comments to hot boys).

I think the next time there is a hot boy in the elevator, I will come walking in holding a watermelon and a jar of pickles. And if all else fails I could always “accidentally” push the elevator stop button right?

– Sonya

Paper or plastic?

Today I've decided to stop thinking of myself as society expects me to think of myself - an item on a shelf in a store waiting for some guy to pick me, pick me!

Enough already. I must start thinking and acting like the shopper, not the shopee.

Who says I can't have MY pick? Maybe it's that abstract, all-encompassing and oh-so-blame-able entity I like to call "society," maybe it's all in my mind, but whoever it is, SHUT UP ALREADY!

I've got a platinum card and I'm ready to sample.

Other thoughts for the day? I must start choosing my men like I choose my friends. I know I don't expect my friends to meet the same standards I set for my partners. All they need to be is, well, a good friend.