The laws of attraction

Once upon a time the law of attraction was a simple one. Women were attracted to the hunter who could kill the largest beast, the strongest Alpha male who, in turn, would bring home the most food to support the family. Genetics and "status," therefore, went hand-in-hand.

Throughout the years the law of attraction has wavered. Physical appearance and hunting ability (read: finances) are no longer synonymous. While women are naturally attracted to the the man who will provide good offspring they are equally attracted to the one who can support the family. This has been documented through various research projects and explains to some extent why women appear to be attracted to money. There is a genetic connection.

What will happen, however, now that women have shed the domestic life and ventured into the boardroom? If they're able to catch their own beast will they still need a man to provide it for them or will their genetic makeup and preferences change?

This was a topic for discussion over wine and appies on Friday's girls' night. We all agreed we'd been raised with the expectation that the male would be the breadwinner. Society (and, possibly, our parents) instilled in us we could do whatever we wanted as women - so long as the man brought home a larger paycheque. Mothers shared with their daughters that a man would be uncomfortable if a woman made more money than him and that, for a harmonious marriage, women must still be somewhat subservient to their husbands. Despite this advice, many of us continue to pursue educational and professional goals; the thrill of promotions and progress are contagious.

But as we climb the corporate ladder the pool of available suitors is becoming more shallow. As we become managers, directors and VPs, the pyramidal executive ranking hinders our chances of finding the one.

What is the single professional woman to do? Does she cast off the teachings of society that the man needs to be superior? Stories of women heading to the boardroom and men staying home with the children have become urban folklore of recent times. Interestingly enough, for some of the executive females in my own company it made financial sense for the man to stay home while they continued working. I wonder if these women purposely sought out men who would be content with living the domestic life? Were they conscious of their actions in finding a partner who could be the caregiver or was it purely a financial decision once her prospects began to improve?

It is a topic I must give increasing thought to. Always pursuing the (future) executive, will this man be happy with my equal - or possibly greater - vocational status? How do his genetics come into play? Like his ancestors, is he looking strictly for the woman to provide offspring or has his makeup changed now that women are gaining ground? While DNA can take centuries to adapt, my timeline is much shorter. Any suggestions for genetic modification are welcome!

PUT ON A HAPPY FACEbook

Facebook and various social networking sites have taken the world by storm. We have the voyeuristic opportunity to see what our friends are doing all the time, anytime. We have witnessed party pics, engagements, quiz results, wedding/baby photos, status updates, career changes and lives unfold. In most cases, we are privy to the absolute best version of our friends. They use it as a portal to showcase the wonders of their lives and share what they feel will present themselves in the best light.

For women who are single, however, Facebook can reinforce the already negative feelings they have for their situation. Even women with excellent self-esteem and who enjoy their singledom may still feel the societal pressures of constant relationship, wedding and baby status updates. The summer months are particularly challenging as the warm weather breeds engagements, summer bar-be-ques with the kids and wedding celebrations. While in control of one's own actions, these pictures can be an irresistible temptation and despite knowing that they will feed our insecurities, we find ourselves clicking the mouse button.

For the single woman who decides that she won't let the constant wedding and baby pictures affect her, she is still powerless to the unending status updates. The engagement announcements can be fairly innocuous -- for the most part, she knows that it is going to happen and can still share in her friends' happiness. While feeling a pang of angst, she posts a congratulatory comment and scrolls down to the next status. Here she finds one of the countless new mom posts. "Bobby is teething and couldn't sleep at all last night" or "Kim is so excited that Bobby rolled over and giggled today". While these women are excited about the new addition to their family, they should be sensitive to the fact that sharing play-by-play updates twenty times a day is overkill. Despite annoyance on the part of the single gal, she starts to wonder if this is truly what she should be doing. Is there something wrong with her that she doesn't have a husband and child by the age of thirty? Did she fail somewhere along the way that she isn't partaking in talk of diapers, jolly jumpers and teething rings?

Absolutely not. What the new moms are not sharing are the constant baby feedings at three in the morning or the inability to get their child to stop crying for their afternoon nap. They are also not sharing the concerns they have for their careers and the looming glass ceiling they perceive now that they have children. They are not sharing the fact that they are fretting not being able to shed their baby weight and are not sharing the envy they have for their single friends who can still enjoy evenings out or adventures abroad without worrying about their young ones at home.

I guess it comes down to always wanting what we don't have. The single gal sees the rose-coloured version of motherhood and the new mom longs for her lost freedom. If we all can approach Facebook knowing that it is one dimensional and that we will only ever see our friends putting their best foot forward, we can all feel a little more comfortable in our own skin. The sooner we come to terms with that, the happier we will be.

The (not so) hard and fast rules of dating

They're ubiquitous in the dating scene: I only date guys with blue eyes; no bad tattoos; no sex for the first 90 days; I only date men with beards. Rules may help daters weed out the duds, but experts say they can also shutter windows of opportunity. More...

I read this article in the Globe & Mail about a month or more ago and it struck a chord with me. In living by some dating rules, are women really missing out on something special? In the age of online dating, where women receive numerous emails daily, how does one sort through the clutter to find the prize? Do they not have to construct some boundaries or pre-requisites just to manage their time? Items such as the desire to have children and/or career aspirations are easy categories to filter. It allows women the opportunity to focus their time on men who are more likely to be a possible match. Even if that is overgeneralizing, how can a woman possibly sort through all of her messages if she does not have some sort of classification system? So, I'm putting the question out there...should women have steadfast rules of dating? What should they include (or not include)?

Poker face or big blind?

I went on my first date at 16 years of age. That means I have had 14 years -- nearly half my life -- to perfect the art of dating. I would like to think that I have matured during this time. I know how to play the game and while I would rather not, I know it is a must for the beginning of a courtship. Guys know this too and unfortunately most of them have spent their dating life figuring out how to read their cards and call our bluff.

The movie -- "He's Just Not That Into You" -- actually spoke to me. I feel it was one of those rare instances that a true chick flick provided me with a higher purpose and understanding. It is absolutely true -- he is just not that into you if he doesn't call you within a couple of days; he is just not that into you if he isn't willing to forego a night with his buddies to see you and he is just not that into you if you are doing the chasing and no one is chasing you.

There are many women who are looking for a fling. They crave the chase, they love the instant gratification and yearn for the physical contact. In most cases, any semblance of there being a legitimate relationship is non-existent and their interactions are entirely based around sex. I am not condemning the act. In fact, I think at this age we are entitled and justified to do whatever we want in that department without anyone judging us.

What happens though when what was supposed to be a fling sparks some deeper feelings -- at least on the part of the female player? She grows fond of him and hopes that they have enough of a connection for further feelings to grow. She texts to say that she is thinking of him, she drops plans with her friends to be there and all the while, she is losing sight of all the wonderful qualities she has to offer.

The problem, however, is that she is the chaser and not the chasee. She is the one texting him, she was the one suggesting they get together and unfortunately, by advancing their sexual relationship so early on, she was the one who destroyed any possibility for there to be a long term relationship. It is plain and simple. He is just not that into her.

So what makes us women want to invest in a relationship if the guy has not reciprocated any of the feelings or behaviour? Is it the need to have a warm body next to us? Is it fear that there isn't another fish in the sea? Or is it trying to validate our own insecurities by convincing ourselves that he must feel the same way -- he just doesn't show his true feelings?

To women everywhere I just want to say *WAKE UP*! We have played the game, we know the players, we have mastered the rules and we are cognisant of the risks. We have even upped the ante in our thirties as we can't fein the ignorant bliss of a dating virgin. A hook up will not turn into true love, and, no matter how hard we try, we cannot make a guy like us. That being said, we are worth so much more than that. If you are looking for a fling, then go out and get one. It isn't too hard. But if you are looking for romance, for the one who will give you shivers twenty years from now and the one who will call you the very next day, we have to change our outlook and approach. The stakes are high but the jackpot is priceless. It's your choice.

Single in a couples' world

It can be as innocent as a two-for-one bowling coupon or as overt as the ending of the latest Hollywood blockbuster, but everywhere you look, society is focused on couples. Even though the social stigmas and pressures may not be what they once were, it can still be hard to be single in a world built for pairs.

Read the rest: Canada.com.

Shared via AddThis.