It was a great night. Our friend -- a new mother -- was celebrating her birthday and Noa and I were accompanying her for dinner. Our plan was to go to a trendy comfort food bistro on Main Street, but upon arrival, it was not kid friendly. The room was too warm, the tables too close and the atmosphere too stuffy. The baby fussed a bit and all of the patrons were turning, evidently inconvenienced by a child in the room. While I am single, I still have a heart and I still love babies. A little fussing should not be a big issue.We decided, however, to head back to 4th Ave and found ourselves at Italian Kitchen Trattoria. They were so accommodating. They gave us a great table outside under the heat lamp so that baby wouldn't get too hot (he has issues with heat) and the servers and management kept coming over and ogling over him. He even did a little wiggle dance in time with the jazz music.
It was a great night filled with good conversation, amazing food and hospitable ambiance. A few observations:
1. I take my freedom of only looking after myself for granted. The new mother was talking about what she has to go through just to get ready and get out of the house with a baby. It made my issue about figuring out whether to wear the flat boot or the heeled boot pretty trivial.
2. Babies learning are a magical delight. At three months of age, the baby is learning that he has control of making sounds and conversing. He has complete conversations with his mother and is so serious in his discourse that you know that he believes he is actually sharing in a deep, philosophical discussion.
3. Moms have a an unspoken (and spoken) bond with one another. We passed another woman on the street carrying a baby and the two moms said hello. I can't remember an instance of that ever happening to me on my own.
4. Expectant fathers can be even more excited than mothers. The manager of the restaurant is expecting his first child in seven weeks. He shared with us the fact that they had been trying for nearly two years and you could tell just what a relief and joy this father had for his unborn child.
I look forward to having children when the time is right. It was very obvious this evening that one's life changes forever, so it is essential to be certain before making that leap. Once upon a time I had wanted to have two kids and a white picket fence before the age of thirty, but over time, I have come to realize that this is not the path I am supposed to take. Whether it is my actions or a higher being that makes this decision, I don't know. I am warming up to the idea of being an older mom, secure in my self, finances and relationship. It may not be the path I had once imagined, but it is my path and one that I am going to fully embrace.
It was in fact MY HUSBAND who read your blog before I did and walked me arm in arm to the computer screen. He was moved by not only your articulate and colorful descriptions of your observations of society, but also your hopeful and open-minded conclusions. Apparently married men find single women's insights just as interesting as other single women!!
ReplyDeleteWhat thoughtful and challenging friends the two of you must be!! (wink wink!)
As a new mother, I can completely relate to what you describe. What I find additionally interesting is how pockets of society craft "milestone norms" if you will, that are not in fact norms at all if one just steps outside of the postal code. They are really just comfort zones that women can somehow measure up to in times of uncertainty. Get married, don't, have a baby, don't, whatever makes you happy. I'll be happy that you are happy!
Bravo to you both. I hope you will continue to shed light on both the real and perceived ideas of women in society in general and in the process of creating dialogue tear down these perceived norms and build lasting and supportive relationships amongst them.