A Single at a Wedding. Adventures in Tofino...con't.

I have now returned to Vancouver and wanted to share what was a fantastic weekend.  My second wedding as a Single could not have turned out any better and I did not feel ostracized, embarrassed or shamed in the least. Maybe this was partly due to my state of mind, but I think it was largely the actions of the guests and wedding party.

Both families were incredibly welcoming and hospitable. On the eve of the wedding, I met up with the bride's aunts and uncles and they treated me like I was one of their own.  The mother of the bride has 11 siblings, so four were there with their spouses and they mentioned how accustomed they are to having new people come in and out of their family.  By the end of the evening, we were joking that I was "cousin Kristie" and even "Oma" (the 87 year old grandmother) was telling me how I my colouring and personality made me like one of the family.

The wedding day was spectacular.  Until recently I had thought I would want a large wedding where I would be worshipped as the princess of the ball, but the 45 at this wedding could not have been more perfect.  The ceremony was on the beach, followed by a cocktail reception and elaborate meal and wine pairing. The size of the wedding allowed the bride and groom to recognize every single person throughout the speeches and individuals were able to get up and tell stories about the couple.  It was so intimate and I could not have imagined it working out any better.  I made friends with a woman who was there with her husband and darling 11 month old little boy.  He was such a charmer to the ladies and he and I had a special connection.  Again the pangs of wanting children creeped up on me, but I was able to douse the feelings by remembering that my opportunity will come and that it is not a race, despite the societal pressures that claim that it is the "thing to do" at 30. The evening ended with an "Arabian Nights" gathering in a tent on the beach and it could not have been a better ending to the perfect day.

What was so noteworthy to me as a Single at the wedding, was the level of understanding and support of the families and select guests.  For some reason I found myself sharing my very personal story with a few people and they had such faith in my decisions and the path I plan to take. They even told me that they expect to hear updates from the bride at the next family reunion. I felt such a warmth enveloping me and did not feel I had to justify my "status" or feel ashamed for being alone. A person's kindness can make such a difference in the world. I feel so blessed to have been part of this celebration. 

Thirty and *gasp* single

It started about five years ago. Everyone – and we mean EVERYONE – got married. Being in a university sorority meant we knew a lot of women – some as close friends, some as acquaintances and some simply as recurring names in the endless stream of gossip that permeated our lives as part of the so-called “Greek system.” Back then we were like all the other girls – crushing, flirting, dating, crying, begging, breaking up, getting back together, falling in and out of love and, from time to time, daring to dream of our future weddings. What would the dress look like? How many bridesmaids would we have? And – most importantly – who would the groom be? We were all travelling the same path at that time; all puzzling over the complexities and emotions of “being in a relationship;” all wondering (and worrying) – when would that wonderful, white day, with its “I dos” and promises of everlasting love and happiness, come?

And then we came to that big, fat intersection. You know the one. You can either take a right, hit cruise-control and coast down scenic Wedding Way, where the sun shines and the birds sing and all the floral arrangements match the place settings or hang a left, shift into four-wheel drive and do your darndest to navigate Lonely Lane, a rocky, winding, unpredictable route fraught with potholes, landmines and seats at the singles’ table (it’s the one at the back of the room, in case you didn't know).

Everyone approaching that fork in the road wanted to make a right. We thought it was expected of us. After all, life happens in a logical order: school, job, marriage. We'd graduated from university and were climbing the ladders of our individual careers. The only thing left to do was tie the knot and get on with life as prescribed by ... well, by the world and society and religion and Hollywood and all we'd ever seen and heard and known. Problem was, the cop directing traffic must have heard only static in his earpiece that day, because he didn’t signal all of us in the same direction.

So here we are, 30, single and on a completely different path than most of the women we know. It’s changed our lives, just as marriage has changed the lives of our friends. We all used to belong to the same group – now, at times, it seems like it’s “us” and “them.” Some days it’s hard – to be alone, to wonder what’s in store for us, to deal with yet another guy who says he isn't looking for “anything serious” at the moment, to wait for the lasting relationship that may never come. But we recognize the good parts, too. The thrill of meeting someone new, a first kiss, plenty of personal space, the endless possibilities, the independence, the chance to do what we want when we want without having to consider anyone else's plans or feelings. It’s coping with the daily highs and lows, happiness and sadness, stress and relief, love and heartache of being single when society says we shouldn’t be that motivated us to start this blog. We hope it makes us stronger and helps ease the lingering bit of regret we feel from time to time for having missed that seemingly vital right turn.

For those like us, who recognize singledom's as good as it is bad, as easy as it is hard, as exciting as it is dull, as right as it is wrong – this blog’s for you. We hope you enjoy it as much as we are thrilled to be writing it, and we welcome any and all interaction.

Together we can’t be alone, so please drop us a line and share your story, thoughts, opinions and advice on being single in society.

Kristie & Noa